Talk Science

Why talking is important

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The problem with problems is that they don’t come one at a time. They generally appear in clusters and sometimes they even have puppies. When one is taken care of, another pops up to take its place, and you wonder to yourself, “What did I do to deserve this?”

No, it isn’t Karma-you aren’t being punished-it’s just life. Combine the economic woes that we can’t seem to fix, issues that arise in any normal relationship, plus the unexpected upsets that besiege our day, and it’s understandable that there will be times when your mood reaches a low point.

There’s no quick fix or Pollyanna affirmation that’s going to change things. The truth is that you have to trudge forward until you can make them change. Perhaps someone else can help, but chances are they can’t take away your troubles.

A lot of people think that there’s a magic bullet that could make it all better. Well, it can help you feel good when someone touches your heart, but on the other hand, if you are struggling with personal or professional problems, they can be a burden on a relationship-especially if you refuse to talk about it.

Not wanting to look bad in the eyes of the person you admire may keep you from sharing what’s on your mind. The truth is that if someone loves you, he or she will help you deal with your dilemmas. Talking about it can help shed light on how to get through a problem. That’s also how therapy works.

You may find that brainstorming with another person or even a group will help you find new ideas to help you move forward. When you know someone has your back, that emotional support can make all the difference.

If you have been sitting on your stuff to the point where it’s starting to hurt, it’s time to let it out. How you choose to do it is up to you, but just keeping your pain inside will eventually lead to some kind of a meltdown.

Learning that it’s okay to talk about our problems can feel a bit like a trip to the dentist. You know that the discomfort will stop once you get the tooth fixed, but you don’t want to go though the process because it hurts too. And sometimes, with emotional issues, you may be embarrassed to share what’s really going on for you. That’s why it’s so important to talk with someone who is comforting and nonjudgmental.

There will always be problems in our lives, but sometimes we don’t have the capacity to handle them all by ourselves. Getting a 360-degree view is impossible when all you can see is what’s going wrong. And talking with another person can give you perspective.

Just know that you can minimize your problems by discussing them with those you trust. Give your pain a voice, and let someone listen. You will be amazed at how much weight will be lifted off your shoulders.

Talk Science

How to Win over people Online

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How do you make everyone like you? How do you become the sort of person that everyone wants to talk to? I don’t claim to be an expert (I still make plenty of mistakes) but here are some rules on how to charm anyone…

Rule 1: No one is interested in you

The quickest and easiest top tip to remember is this – no one cares about you. They don’t want to know about you. They’re not bothered about where you’re going on holiday. They’re not impressed that you once interviewed Will Smith (I did, you know). They don’t even care if you’ve got an upcoming operation… All they care about is themselves.

With this in mind, become the kind of person who is interested in other people because we all love the opportunity to talk about ourselves – so imagine how popular you’ll be if you’re allowing others to talk as much as they like!

Ask lots of questions, be genuinely interested, ensure the conversation revolves around the other person, retain eye contact, smile, ask further questions – most importantly, enjoy listening. You might not end up saying much, or talking about yourself but it doesn’t matter. This is all about charm, and allowing people to chat about themselves is the easiest way to win them over.

Rule 2: If people ask you questions…?

If you’ve followed rule number one and have allowed the other person to do all the talking, they might ask you questions in return. In which case, be prepared to charm by following these simple tips – always keep things relatively short and sweet; don’t go into unnecessary details or waffle; be humble and don’t show off; and finally, don’t bring up anything negative, political or inappropriate… keep things light, fun and interesting, and you can’t go wrong.

Rule 3: Use the sweetest sound in the world

When you first meet someone, repeat their name to remember it and then drop it occasionally into the conversation. So for example, ‘Hi Tom, I’m Katy’, and then use their name again if appropriate. Repeat it once more when you say goodbye. The sound of our own name is the sweetest sound in the world, and people will really warm to you if you say their name and remember it.

Rule 4: Weakness is off-putting

People can always smell weakness, particularly if you’re shy or lacking in confidence. They’ll sense something isn’t quite right and might take an instant dislike to you. Work on your social skills and become comfortable in your own skin. Walk into a room with your head held high, become extremely confident around other company and speak up.

You are worth a hell of a lot, and you deserve just as much success as anyone else. So stand tall and be bold. If you’re struggling, think of a confident role model and copy their body language and mannerisms. Soon enough, you’ll be boldly walking up to people and introducing yourself without a care in the world.

Rule 5: Get your body language right

Body language is very important, so practice in front of a mirror or with a friend until you get it right. You want to ensure arms are open and not crossed; that legs are relaxed and not crossed and that overall, you look relaxed and approachable.

Best way to achieve great body language? Work on feeling relaxed and comfortable in your own skin. People who tend to cross their arms or cover their mouths or fidget could be revealing lots of insecurities and that can be off-putting.

Rule 6: Use the right tone of voice

Tone of voice is just as important as body language. You want to avoid shouting or coming across as aggressive by using a relaxed, gentle tone of voice. You also want to practice the art of assertiveness, i.e. getting your point across confidently without being defensive or aggressive. Work on your self-esteem as well and get used to hearing the sound of your own voice.

Rule 7: Use the right language

Keep conversation professional at all times by using polite language. For example, never say ‘Ay up!’, always say ‘Hello’ instead. And don’t forget your manners. Also, try and keep everything very positive. Don’t bring up the awful time you had on holiday or complain about the state of the economy. Charm people over by talking about polite, professional and happy things.

Rule 8: Smile!

A smile is infectious. Everyone loves a happy person, so smile and be happy to be around others. Your happy state of mind will shine through and make you very likeable. If, on the other hand, you’re grumpy or disinterested – it will be obvious and you won’t leave a very good first impression, so smile!

Rule 9: Praise others instead of getting involved in gossip

Whether you’re at a networking event or in a meeting, people can sometimes talk about others in a negative way. To combat this, don’t get involved. Instead, say something really positive about that person or company.

This attitude is the way I live my life and I always find it works very well because it shows how sincere and trustworthy you are. I hate gossip and I get a very bad impression of people who bitch. If you want to charm people, steer clear of the backstabbing and become a nice person instead.

Rule 10: Find their interests

If the conversation is quite slow, try to discover the other person’s hobbies or passions. Do they like football? Are they into Formula1? Do they have a tan… Ask them if they’ve been on holiday. When you find a topic that makes their eyes light up, ask lots of questions and be genuinely interested in their passion, even if it’s something you’re not bothered about. They’ll love you for it.

Rule 11: Don’t people-please

There will be the odd occasion when you need to speak your mind or share a point of view that others might disagree with. In which case, still keep things light but be open and honest. You have to remember that being charming isn’t about ‘people-pleasing’. You still have to believe in yourself and your own principles. People will always respect your opinion – just make sure you express it in the right way.

Rule 12: Remember the little details

To stay charming, write down the little details about people so you remember them for next time you meet. For example, a new client might tell you about his wife and new baby… so next time you see him, ask how the baby and mum are doing. This is a great way to show people you care while making them feel important

Talk Science

Going With Someone You’ve Just Met

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  1. You can start with a basic, regular, “Hi! How are you?” This can be followed by appreciation
    of some of their belongings or traits, like their hair color, the suit they are wearing, the name of the company(if they are wearing an ID Card), or their smile or eyes. Remember that appreciation always lifts the mood of the one being appreciated.
  2. Then you can make a comment about anything that’s happening nearby. For example, if you meet at some party, you can start with appreciating the adornment or ambiance. Then you can continue this by asking, “What do you think about it?”
  3. Another good, timeless topic is the person’s education, whether it be college, high school or graduation. Everyone likes discussing their days as a student. Ninety-nine times out of 100, it cheers up the person’s mood. Let them speak. Be a patient listener.
  4. You can always discuss the profession with which the person is associated (Art, Medical, Sports, Automobile). It will help continue the conversation, as you might learn about a whole new field. You can begin like, “Whats your profession? By the
    way I am a

    software

    Engineer.
  5. Next, you can ask about their workplace, the environment, company HR policies, or a bond agreement, or if they own a business, you can talk about their vision, perspective, future plans. For instance, you can start like, “How is the work environment in your company?” or “How about the HR policies? Are they flexible or tough?”
  6. You can now come to their work profile. If you belong to a similar field, you can discuss the pros and cons, or if you are from another field, you can learn about the kind of work they do and find out if they enjoy doing it.
  7. After talking about work, you can ask about their hometown, whether they grew up in the same city or somewhere else. If he or she is from same city, you can discuss some common and well-known places.  You can ask questions like, “Do you know of a good restaurant known for its continental food?” If he or she is from another city, you can ask about their
    place, like what are some famous tourist attractions of their city, famous foods, temples, or outing spots.
  8. Then, after all this, you can ask about their likes and hobbies: “How you prefer spending your free time?” or “How you usually like to spend your weekends?”
Talk Science

Why is conversation important?

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1. Language Development: From birth people are surrounded in a world full of language. As they begin to develop their own oral language, the influence of the adults around them is imperative. Hearing others speak begins the process of learning how language works. They learn phonemic, semantic, syntactic and contextual awareness. The development of learning to listen and speak is crucial not only for academic learning, but also for social and emotional growth.  Conversations are an important way to enlarge vocabulary.

2. Relationship-building: People are learning about life every single day. One important lesson is how to begin and maintain healthy relationships. Whether being a parent, family member, teacher or friend to others, your relationship serves as a model for future relationships. Engaging in rich discussions teaches a person how to be an active participant in life.

3. Discovery of the world: Talking with a person creates an opportunity to reveal something to them about the world around them. For example while going shopping, conversation might reveal about how food is prepared, by finding appropriate ingredients for a recipe or how to create a shopping list and follow through with it or even learning about different cultures.  For a person, everything is a lesson and conversations are one vehicle in their learning process.

4. Reasoning: Conversations encourage people to think about new ideas, develop questions and make decisions. It is so important to encourage children to think and make decisions for themselves. This later helps children become more independent and self-sufficient.

5. Understanding diversity: Young people are naturally self-centered. They see the world as revolving around them. Through interaction with different people, children learn that there are many different kinds of people with differing ideas, life styles and opinions. They then begin to develop understanding and acceptance of differences. Rich and frequent conversations with a wide variety of people can even teach a child how valuable diversity and discussion can be, as we each have something special to contribute.

Talk Science

How Opentalk helps

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Some people don’t like to talk too much but Opentalk can be helpful for everyone. It’s worth making an effort to talk through what’s going on for you with someone you trust. Good things that can come from talking are:

  • It’ll help you sort through your thoughts and clarify whatever is going on for you at the time. While all your stuff is internal, it’s hard to see how it really works. Once you’ve had to say it out loud, it gets easier to get hold of.
  • If you just worry about your problems without talking to someone about them, they probably start to seem worse and bigger than they are. Talking will cut them down to size.
  • Someone who’s not involved in whatever’s bothering you might suggest options you haven’t thought of.
  • If you’re talking to someone neutral, but caring, they won’t take sides or push an agenda.
  • Talking is like a pressure valve for your head. Switch it on once in a while.

 

Deciding who you want to talk to is an important first step. However, it is very important that you can trust the person you decide to speak with. Sometimes the reason why people don’t talk to others is because they actually don’t actually know who they want to speak to. You might want to talk with a friend, or someone slightly older, or a family member. Sometimes potential helpers may not have the experience or knowledge to provide the advice or support you need.

Talking about your feelings can help you make sense of them. Sometimes, just talking about what is upsetting you to someone you trust can help you sort through your feelings, or make the situation clearer.

If you’ve been keeping things to yourself, a situation seems more overwhelming than it actually is. The person you talk with might help you see the situation in a new or different perspective. Someone outside the situation might also be more neutral about what’s going on because the outcome won’t affect him or her personally. The person you speak with might also suggest options that you had not thought about before.

As we mention before talking through your concerns can also be a great way to vent and release pent-up tension. Just “getting the problem out” can help you feel better. Not only does it feel great, but it can also give you new insights into what’s happening in your life.